One of the basic issues we need to understand is that parents and teens view school very differently. This is important because often we believe that our kids look at school the same way we do.

In many cases, nothing could be further from the truth.

For parents, we work and want to do well in our jobs. So we think because our kids don’t work full time or at all, then school is their full-time job, and they should want to excel.

For teens, as well as many younger kids, school is their social world interrupted by six to seven classes a day.

This different view is the cause for many dinner-table squabbles.

Every now and then, as parents describe the problems with grades, they will say, “We got a D in that class.”

I’ve thought of many responses to that statement, most of which I don’t share. What I do say is, “Excuse me, who is this we? Do you go to class or does your child?”

The point is that at some time – the earlier the better – school must become more important to your child than it is to you.

Having laid out these two basic principles, let’s look at some solutions for handling a less than exciting report card.

1) You’ll want to meet with the teacher of a class in which your child has done poorly. You should ask the teacher: What he thinks might be in the way of your child doing well in this subject; does she think your child has the tools to do well in this class; how are other kids of equal ability doing in this class; what does he recommend your child (notice, not we) do to improve in this class?

2) Learn how to read a report card. There is much more information there than just grades. There’s also conduct and attendance to check out. Look for patterns. If your kid got a good grade and great conduct in one class and poor grades and bad conduct in another, take a look at what the differences are between those two classes. Obviously, the child has the ability in one class. What’s in the way in the other?

3) Often kids will blame the teacher. “She doesn’t like me!” This is an opportunity to teach real-world living in which not all people, bosses included, are going to like you. At the same time, you still need to know how to do well in a situation, even when there are people who don’t like you.

4) Here’s a little trick of the trade: Determine which class comes right before your child’s lunch period. If grades, attendance and conduct are significantly different after lunch than before, the next question is what’s happening at lunch that is getting in the way?

5) Make two copies of your child’s report card _ one for you and one for your child. Draw a horizontal line to the right of each letter grade. Next to the end of that line, write the next letter grade up. For example, if the grade is an F, write a D. If it’s a D, write a C, and so on. These one-step-up grades are the goals for the next grading period.

This may sound like settling for less, but it really is not. It gives your child a manageable goal to reach. Over a couple of grading periods, this strategy can move low grades to high grades. If they go higher than the goal, then that’s a good thing. If they go lower than the goal, it’s time for some consequences.

6) It’s been my experience that grounding a kid for the entire grading period is in most cases counterproductive. For adults, nine weeks is not that long. For kids, however, it’s forever, and you get rapidly diminishing returns.

Instead, start with strong consequences, and then as effort, behavior and grades improve, let the rope out a little at a time, just enough for them to grow themselves.

It’s also useful to link grades to something that is important to them. As one father said to me last year, “In our family, Ds don’t drive.”

By: Jeff Herring

About the Author:

Many parents seem to be more than a little confused about what they have a right to know about their teens.

The question I often get goes something like this:

“We want to know where our 16-year-old son is going to be, and who he is with. He makes it sound as if we are the most out-of-it parents, and that it is abusively embarrassing to him that we want to know what he and his friends are doing. Are we being fair?”

You have the right, need and obligation to know all these things, and more. I believe that every parent of a teen has the right to know and the crucial need to know several pieces of information that I call the W’s.

These crucial W’s are:

1) Who they are spending time with. One of the most powerful forces in the life of a teen is influence: of parents, media, culture and especially friends.

With friends, it’s not the question of can your children be influenced, but how they will be influenced. We have come to use the cliche of peer pressure, but this is really about influence.

One of the clearest warning signs of problems is when a teen has two sets of friends _ one that the parents know, and one the parents have never seen and your kid does not want you to see.

Your teen does not want you to see them for a reason, and it’s not a good one. A good rule of thumb is that your teen is not allowed to go anywhere with someone you have not at least met. Another simple but little-used strategy is to know the parents of your teen’s friends. Also, if you can make your home the hub of his or her circle of friends, where lots of activity takes place or at least begins, you have a good thing going.

2) What they are going to be doing. “But Mom, (stretched into a two or three syllable word) we don’t know what we are going to be doing!” Possible answers _ “Well, you’ll need to know the answer, and then I’ll need to know the answer before you can go” or “That’s fine for now, when you decide you must let me know.”

Another one you will hear is “But everyone else gets to do it!” This is one the Top 10 things never to believe. It’s just not true. Everyone else does not get to do it. And even if they did, you as a parent still have the right to say no.

3) Where they are going. The what and the where go together, and the same rules apply. Watch out for the scam where Billy tells his parents that he is going to Bobby’s house, and Bobby tells his parents he is going to Billy’s house. This one can be easily handled and checked on when you know the parents of your teen’s friends.

4) When will they be back. This brings up the pleasant issue of curfew. The dilemma: Parents want kids home at a certain time, kids want to stay out later.

I’ve never encountered the situation where a kid wanted his curfew to be earlier. Solution: The parents pick a curfew time. Notice I said the parents and not the parents and kids. This one begins with the parents, and then it’s up to the kids to earn more.

While we are at it, let’s define late. Late is late, and 10 p.m. is 10 p.m., unless there is something major that is unavoidable. If you consistently make 10:10 acceptable and not late, you send the message that the rules don’t really count, and you foster more and more lateness, not to mention giving up your power as a parent.

If the curfew is kept for three months, an additional 15 minutes is added. If they are late during the three months, the three-month earning period starts over from that point.

This model represents the real world where privileges are not just given but earned based on performance.

I’ve seen more than one family make this a very smooth process by requiring that a small form be filled out, answering all the W’s before a request to go out is even considered.

Now, a word of warning:

Your teens will not like this. That’s OK because that is not the point. The point is to teach responsibility and other things about the real world, and make this labor-intensive job of parenting a teen just a little less stressful.

While requiring your teens to obey the W’s may not be easy, it sure can help you to avoid some other loathsome W’s, such as: Waiting up until the Wee hours of the morning, Wondering and Worrying.

By: Jeff Herring

About the Author:

jonasbrothersjew asked:


I am 15, almost 16 years old and I am getting my room redone. – but just furniture. My walls are magenta pink and I have a red couch/bed thing. My bedding is going to be magenta, light pink, and brown. Does anyone know of some cool, teenage furniture (that’s white!) for me? My parents probably will say money doesn’t matter, but I feel bad..so if there’s anything at a reasonable price that would be the best!
Thaaaank you!

Susieq2456 asked:


I know this might sound werid coming from an 18 yr old…

but im 18 and done with high school. i start college in a few days and i have a little sister whose 11 and a job.

i have been out prety much every night striaght for about 3 weeks or so. soemtimes i feel bad for my parents because i hardly ever see them.

are you guys sad too when your kids go out with their friends?
i dont know i just feel bad !

♥Love♥ asked:


Is that why they don’t ever go outside anymore? Is that why they are all fat? I know that’s why I see so many teens online these days. 11 & up, pretty much live online these days. I let my son on for 30 minutes a day usually Webkinz or Disney Channel… he likes it, and I like that it teaches him, but kids are just wasting their lives away on myspace and facebook. Wake up parents! They’re not doing homework!

yourealush_nihateit asked:


i would pay for it with my credit card, but im just not ready for my parents to know that i need therapy, and it would show up on my bill.
i will be ready after talking to a therapist a few times for free, i just need to ease into it.
your help is appreciated.

Theoneandonly asked:


I found this out a few days ago and I heard that it could mess with your DNA.My Mom gave birth to me at about 25 and she smoked pot when she was 16 and my dad only did it once. Is this truth?

Remember me? asked:


In control? Semi-friendly? Do you learn from them? Or is life a constant battle, and dirty looks?

Many parents are shocked to discover that their teenager has a problem stealing. If you are in this situation and you want to learn how to deal with the issue, there are quite a few ways of handling this problem, but the first step is to really understand your son or daughter, and why he or she is stealing in the first place.

Many teenagers steal because they believe that they are unloved and do not belong. Teenagers in this situation often tend to think that it’s okay to hurt other people because “nobody cares about them”. It’s a way of compensating for the plain that they feel. This phenomenon is known as the “revenge cycle”.

It’s not enough to love your child – you must also make sure that the child knows that they are loved and wanted. You need to find ways to let them know that they are important to you and the rest of the family. If your child is stealing or otherwise misbehaving, you need to separate the deed from the doer, and show your child love while working together to fix the problem.

Another common reason why children may steal is simply because it seems like the only way that they can get what they want. Sometimes parents can take the idea of not spoiling their teenagers a little too far, and offer the child nothing in terms of ownership.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that you have give your child whatever they want, whenever they demand it! Instead you can find a way where you child can earn money or allowances from you. Setting up a family system where they can take on responsibilities while at the same time earning a few dollars, will go along way to preventing your teenager from stealing, and also help instill in them the discipline of (and satisfaction that comes from) working towards a goal and achieving it.

A habit that you should get into is to avoid placing unnecessary temptation in the way of your teenager. Teenagers don’t have the same impulse control as adults. Don’t leave money lying out in the open – for some teenagers, it may simply be too tempting to pass up. Learn to always keep your money and other valuables out of sight and in a safe place.

One common but difficult situation that parents face, is when they suspect that one sibling is stealing from another. You can immediately help with this issue, but giving each kid their own private lock box to help protect their items. In the longer run, you want to find out why your child is stealing – jealousy may well be the cause. Ask your children whether they believe that you favor one of them over the other, and listen attentively to their answers, and do not dismiss their feelings. If they do think you are indeed favoring their brother or sister, even if you feel is totally false, do not turn away. It’s important to discuss with them how you feel and be sure to keep the discussion in a positive manner, without criticizing them.

By: Sunil Tanna

About the Author:

Rae asked:


im 17 and my mom thinks im fine. she doesnt know i have any problems it is easier for her to be dark. would u want to know that ur daughter is a cutter and what would u do once u found out?
my mom is “delicate” because my dad died. and i would rather die then hurt her