What if your husband told you he needed a break?
Wednesday, May 27th, 2009 at
11:22 pm
melissa asked:
that he still loved you, there was no other woman…and you know he loves you and there is no other woman. but at 58 he needed some time for himself. No teenagers, no aging parents,no 4 year old triplets, no moving, no jobs, no thinking about his oldest son in Afghanistan, just some time to be by himself…..why arent I mad?
Im not mad because, I think about it every day, doesnt everybody when their life is stressful, so I told him to go, take a trip by himself, go surf, drink, have some fun……..but, he wont go without me
my husband is not going anywhere, he is just having a bad day…..right now he is planning our Valentines Day….he knows that after 33 years of marriage, if he wants a break, he would just grab his surf board and take a weekend off, and he would expect me to do the same if I needed to get away. There are few things in this world that I am certain of, the one thing I know for sure is my husband loves me and his children.
that he still loved you, there was no other woman…and you know he loves you and there is no other woman. but at 58 he needed some time for himself. No teenagers, no aging parents,no 4 year old triplets, no moving, no jobs, no thinking about his oldest son in Afghanistan, just some time to be by himself…..why arent I mad?
Im not mad because, I think about it every day, doesnt everybody when their life is stressful, so I told him to go, take a trip by himself, go surf, drink, have some fun……..but, he wont go without me
my husband is not going anywhere, he is just having a bad day…..right now he is planning our Valentines Day….he knows that after 33 years of marriage, if he wants a break, he would just grab his surf board and take a weekend off, and he would expect me to do the same if I needed to get away. There are few things in this world that I am certain of, the one thing I know for sure is my husband loves me and his children.
Tagged with: 33 Years • Afghanistan • Marriage
Filed under: Parenting Teenagers
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he’s a lazy old geezer
It usually means he just need some time of away from you or that its completely OVER.
because that is some major stress. give him his room and try to stay strong.
Has he gone through a mid life crisis yet? This might be it, and if your not mad and fully trust him then let him go on a break, but if you think he’s screwin around or something then look deeper.
If mine needed a break, I’d say to him be happy, go.
I could use a break myself.
What man does not need a break once in a while, give him some space.
tell him to stop being a wimp *****.
Sounds like hes got alot going on in his head and its his way of dealing with it. Good on you for not being mad. be supportive and caring and he’ll come back. I hope it all works out
I wouldnt be mad either
at 58 its probably about time he had a little alone time
You’re probably not mad because you know where he is coming from and would probably appreciate some time off too- it sounds as if you have a lot on your plate.
I think we all fantasize about abandoning our responsibilities and just getting away- how would he feel about you two getting away together?
You probably drove him nuts over the years and he needs some space to be human again. Give the poor man freedom for a moment in time.
Your not mad because you know he loves you and he loves his kids, he just is overworked and overstressed and you understand that, your amazing for that by the way, and you know he loves you more then anything in the world. He just needs a getaway to get his mind off of things, the ONLY reason he’s getting away from you too isn’t because your the problem, hes just stressed. Its a great thing that your not angry.
Because, this is your chance to do whatever you want with no consequences. I’m so jealous.
Let him have a break, whatever that means.
If he comes back, great. If not, move on.
Would probably wind up being a short break, he’ll be back…
sounds like he is going through the change of life but that seems to be a little late in life to do that. But he should be going through that with you, you being his wife. As far as you not being mad…are you still in love with him or do you feel like that situation would benefit both of you as in making you stronger as a couple?
look at his life, does he need a break? I am fifty and I have had a full on life with siblings, my children, grandchildren, second marriage and sometimes I really do want to be on my own for ME for once.
Good luck
It could mean a number of different things. If he is saying he needs a break, but he doesn’t want to go without you, then he probably just wants the two of you to have a private/romantic get-away from whatever is happening in your lives to rejuvenate again.
The fact that he doesnt want to go without you is a good sign
you and he are so lucky if that is the only stress you have in your life! Be Grateful!
SO…go with him! You need a break too!
I would think that he wanted out and was too coward to say so. He needs to grow up a be a man. You deal with life you don’t get a break. If you need a vacation then take one but you don’t walk out on your family because it is too much to handle. I would be furious actually. He thinks he needs a break so you deal with it all. Nice.
Why are you not mad? Because getting away from high stress situations is something every human being on earth desires. Duh?
it depends how much time he wants,if it is for a little while thats no problem,
but he won’t go without you!!!!
his space is an activity that doesn’t involve you and you understand because I sure you could use the break also. suggest golf, some type of club, CHURCH function for men…all in all he won’t go without you. that means alot.
I would try to be understanding and be there for him and if he does not want to go without me I would go but give him alone time when u get there too. He is just stressed I think.
Good Luck
Assuming that it’s true and there is no other woman or anything else that he’s keeping from you I would say he’s having a hard time coping with life and all the stresses. Up-side is he’s telling you what he needs rather than hitting the bottle or cheating on you, which is how most men handle stress. Maybe you’re not mad because you could see it coming. I think that there needs to be some boundaries set that both of you agree to…he can’t just disappear and say I’ll be back when I’m back. I would sit down and determine how long, where he will be, that he keeps in contact and that he speaks to a councellor while he’s gone. I’m not sure how religious you are but there are retreats accross the world that he can go to and get a ‘guided vacation’ that includes therapy, time away, reflection, prayer………..I wish you luck.
GIRL YOU NEED TO WAKE UP…I CANT BELIEVE THAT EVEN MEN THAT AGE ARE STILL USING THAT STUPID LINE…OH I NEED SOME TIME…TIME FOR WHAT? HE’S GOT A FAMILY THAT NEEDS HIM….I WOULD BE PISSED NOT MAD
Ah, he loves you and the every day crap with life is just getting to him. I say take a second honeymoon and don’t talk about anything stress wise back home. Everyone can use a break (even you) and anyways, you deserve it. I have seen really cheap cruises lately (like $300 a person) maybe you can do something like that??
Your marriage is great, I always read everything you write and hope we are like that years down the road. Keep your head up, it’ll be ok.
And to answer your question to me earlier: My daughter is sick again (another infection) and my boss is going on a sabatical so during that time, I’m finding a new job, lol. But everything is going smooth and good!!
wow u must be very secure and thats a awesome thing !
thats very nice of u to understand his needs but how about you both go on a vacation and only have dinner together but do different activities.
take a vacation and plan things separately !!!
I would say let him have his “space” but with some limitations, so you both know what is expected.
Is it just a solo holiday he’s asking for, or it is an unofficial separation?
What length of time is he wanting, hoping for? Days, weeks, months, or longer? (And “I don’t know” isn’t good enough). Get a fixed period. That way you both know when its to finish or when other decisions have to be made by.
What is he wanting to do during that time, and do you agree? Like are you both expecting him to act married, or is he wanting some pretend single time?
How much does he get to spend on himself, and what do you get too? If its a holiday, do you get one too later on? If its free spending money do you get a turn later? That helps stop any resentment about him indulging himself when you can’t/haven’t.
Is there any health factors to consider? Is the break all he needs, or does he, or do you two need some counseling to bring your relationship back on track?
Is he expecting you to cope on your own or have you a support network, or can you afford someone to help you out while he has his break? You don’t want to be the next victim of stress. has he considered how this might affect you, and the family? Does he take that into consideration?
I have wondered how you guys could maintain the pace you go. The ice storm and 10 or so people there for days does take a toll. He has stress that I can’t imagine with 008 in the war. I remember the guys that worked for Dad sure were happy when I got back from Ft Polk. They said it was hell while I was gone. Nothing to compare with what 007 is feeling. Mel, it’s like you talked about and the relationship among men. 007 would give anything to trade places with 008. It’s a “man” thing. Being at home with your Son fighting is hard to swallow. Especially him being a Vet. Three tours, That, for him, must be awful. People need some “quiet” time. Your understanding is most important. I feel it has nothing to do with what is going on at home but, in Afghanistan. I expect that he is a perfectionist and his Family has always been his first concern but, when your Son is where you can’t watch out for and protect, it would eat on him or me like a cancer. Getting worse every day.