Being the parent of a teenager may be one of the most trying times in our lives. We all want what is best for our children, but we have to avoid the urge to control them and stifle their independence. Teens are bound to get in trouble. Just remember, we were once teens ourselves and acted in similar ways.

Teenagers face a variety of obstacles to overcome. Hormones can cause body and ****** changes that cause insecurity. Peer pressure affects this age group more than any other. The most important developmental factor for the teenager is developing a sense of self and autonomy.

Our job as parents is to help guide them to make the right decisions. We must also weigh what battles to fight and how much attitude we are willing to take. It can be difficult, but we must make an attempt to remain calm and clear headed. When we make rash decisions, they will make rash decisions.

Negotiating is an important factor. There is a fine line between providing too much freedom, and letting them run wild, and being too strict, and causing them to rebel and act out. Mutual respect must be developed between the parent and teen. They must feel that they have an input in decision making processes.

Children must learn things on their own. Unfortunately the phrase “learning from someone else’s mistakes” does not apply to teenagers. They have to make mistakes on their own in order to learn from them. Parents must try to stay patient, and to help encourage kids in their decisions. Ask a lot of “what if’s” or “what about this.” They need to come to conclusions on their own and not feel like they are being controlled.

Do no be afraid to put your foot down. “If you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile.” Be consistent with expectations and discipline. This consistency will let them know what is expected of them, and they will know if they are behaving inappropriately. If you begin to get frustrated, take a time out for both of you. Each of you needs a calming down period.

Teenagers will ultimately make their own decisions. We can only help to guide them in the right directions. We must encourage them and be supportive while also maintaining rules and boundaries.

By: Matt Adler

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I have received a lot of inquires lately about how to discipline teenagers. It’s an interesting topic and one that bears consideration. I believe most of the issue lies in how one identifies the problem. There are three major considerations.

When children enter the teen years, their developmental stage is of separation and individuation, meaning they are attempting to establish themselves as independent of their parents, specifically, and in some cases, society, in general. When this begins to occur, parents often label it rebellion when it’s simply a teen attempting to do what is necessary for his or her psychological development. If this is the case, relax. It won’t last forever.

Think about it. Every generation has their way of separating from the status quo. When I was young, boys had long hair and girls wore mini skirts. In my son’s generation, it was body piercing. He went to college and had his tongue and nipples pierced. Guess what? He’s 25 now and outgrew that by the time he was 22 years-old. There are no signs of the piercing phase.

Second, there is an issue I call problem definition. Sometimes teens develop behaviors parents know are not in their best interest, e.g. isolating in their room, not cleaning their room, not working up to potential on school work, or any other number of things. Parents typically become quite upset about these behaviors because they believe they are not doing a good job of parenting unless they can get their children to see the errors of their ways and change their behavior.

Who do you think is most upset by these situations, you or your child? It is almost unequivocally, YOU! If you are most upset by the problem, then guess what? You own it. It is your problem, not your child’s. Yes, your child may be making some short-term decisions that may ultimately affect his life later, however, he or she is perfectly content with them. As a parent, all you need to do in this situation is provide your child with information about your concerns. Let him or her know what you are worried about and then stop talking. Allow your child to make his or her own decisions. Soon, at age 18, he or she is legally an adult, capable of making all decisions without your permission. Give your child some practice now and don’t get in the way of the consequences.

If your child’s behavior results in an F on the report card or worse, a failed grade, so be it. Teens need to learn how their choices affect what happens to them in a way that teaches personal responsibility and self-discipline for when you’re not around.

Third, is another aspect of problem definition. This often occurs when parents see behaviors in their teens they don’t like. When this happens, parents look at the behavior as the problem, when in actuality it is only a symptom of an underlying unmet need in your child. If all you do is punish the behavior without addressing the unmet need, then your child will either continue the behavior or find new ones, quite possibly worse, in their attempts to meet that need.

What parents need to do in this situation is use the great relationship you have with your child to talk about what may be bothering him or her. The behavior itself is not a problem to be extinguished. The behavior is actually your clue that your child needs something he or she can’t figure out how to get any other way. Take the time to find out what your child needs and to help him or her figure out a better way to get it. Remember the Latin root of discipline means “to teach,” not to punish.

By: Kim Olver

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Many parents are shocked to discover that their teenager has a problem stealing. If you are in this situation and you want to learn how to deal with the issue, there are quite a few ways of handling this problem, but the first step is to really understand your son or daughter, and why he or she is stealing in the first place.

Many teenagers steal because they believe that they are unloved and do not belong. Teenagers in this situation often tend to think that it’s okay to hurt other people because “nobody cares about them”. It’s a way of compensating for the plain that they feel. This phenomenon is known as the “revenge cycle”.

It’s not enough to love your child – you must also make sure that the child knows that they are loved and wanted. You need to find ways to let them know that they are important to you and the rest of the family. If your child is stealing or otherwise misbehaving, you need to separate the deed from the doer, and show your child love while working together to fix the problem.

Another common reason why children may steal is simply because it seems like the only way that they can get what they want. Sometimes parents can take the idea of not spoiling their teenagers a little too far, and offer the child nothing in terms of ownership.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that you have give your child whatever they want, whenever they demand it! Instead you can find a way where you child can earn money or allowances from you. Setting up a family system where they can take on responsibilities while at the same time earning a few dollars, will go along way to preventing your teenager from stealing, and also help instill in them the discipline of (and satisfaction that comes from) working towards a goal and achieving it.

A habit that you should get into is to avoid placing unnecessary temptation in the way of your teenager. Teenagers don’t have the same impulse control as adults. Don’t leave money lying out in the open – for some teenagers, it may simply be too tempting to pass up. Learn to always keep your money and other valuables out of sight and in a safe place.

One common but difficult situation that parents face, is when they suspect that one sibling is stealing from another. You can immediately help with this issue, but giving each kid their own private lock box to help protect their items. In the longer run, you want to find out why your child is stealing – jealousy may well be the cause. Ask your children whether they believe that you favor one of them over the other, and listen attentively to their answers, and do not dismiss their feelings. If they do think you are indeed favoring their brother or sister, even if you feel is totally false, do not turn away. It’s important to discuss with them how you feel and be sure to keep the discussion in a positive manner, without criticizing them.

By: Sunil Tanna

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Hope asked:


Like on sleeping, discipline, and general parenting thoughts?

I have a 1 1/2 yr old step-son who was born 3 months preemie and is developmentally handicapped. Plus I am expecting another.

. asked:


WOW i just read a article that gave info on parenting and discipline, apparently negitive reinforcement ect, is demeaning to children, upsets them and kurbs their creativity! ***??? so now parents are to be their childs friends rather than parents i can see it now “i don’t discipline because it might hurt their feelings” but on the up side prisons are proving to be nice places!
Anyone elses thoughts on todays parenting???? sorry for the rant