Many parents are shocked to discover that their teenager has a problem stealing. If you are in this situation and you want to learn how to deal with the issue, there are quite a few ways of handling this problem, but the first step is to really understand your son or daughter, and why he or she is stealing in the first place.

Many teenagers steal because they believe that they are unloved and do not belong. Teenagers in this situation often tend to think that it’s okay to hurt other people because “nobody cares about them”. It’s a way of compensating for the plain that they feel. This phenomenon is known as the “revenge cycle”.

It’s not enough to love your child – you must also make sure that the child knows that they are loved and wanted. You need to find ways to let them know that they are important to you and the rest of the family. If your child is stealing or otherwise misbehaving, you need to separate the deed from the doer, and show your child love while working together to fix the problem.

Another common reason why children may steal is simply because it seems like the only way that they can get what they want. Sometimes parents can take the idea of not spoiling their teenagers a little too far, and offer the child nothing in terms of ownership.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that you have give your child whatever they want, whenever they demand it! Instead you can find a way where you child can earn money or allowances from you. Setting up a family system where they can take on responsibilities while at the same time earning a few dollars, will go along way to preventing your teenager from stealing, and also help instill in them the discipline of (and satisfaction that comes from) working towards a goal and achieving it.

A habit that you should get into is to avoid placing unnecessary temptation in the way of your teenager. Teenagers don’t have the same impulse control as adults. Don’t leave money lying out in the open – for some teenagers, it may simply be too tempting to pass up. Learn to always keep your money and other valuables out of sight and in a safe place.

One common but difficult situation that parents face, is when they suspect that one sibling is stealing from another. You can immediately help with this issue, but giving each kid their own private lock box to help protect their items. In the longer run, you want to find out why your child is stealing – jealousy may well be the cause. Ask your children whether they believe that you favor one of them over the other, and listen attentively to their answers, and do not dismiss their feelings. If they do think you are indeed favoring their brother or sister, even if you feel is totally false, do not turn away. It’s important to discuss with them how you feel and be sure to keep the discussion in a positive manner, without criticizing them.

By: Sunil Tanna

About the Author:

Aaah, Teenagers! What comedian Jeff Allen describes as God’s revenge for humanity: “Let’s see how you like it when something you created tells you you don’t know anything!” As a counselor, I think the most trying phases of parenting that I have seen are the toddler years and the teen years. So similar in issues – only with bigger bodies. The control of potty training has been replaced by curfew. Instead of sharing their toys, they have to share the family car. Instead of talking kindly to others, they need to talk kindly to you! Here are some tips to keep in mind so you won’t lose yours:

1. You are not alone

Scores of parents of generations past have survived adolescence, and so will you. Perhaps you were the one that gave your parents their mass of gray hair, and shattered nerves. You can see they survived. Strike up a conversation with other parents of teens, and I am sure you will find a lot of common ground.

2. You are not crazy

The one thing that brings the most relief to the parents of teens is when I tell them they are not crazy for their feelings. The inconsistency of teenagers’ decisions, irrational behavior, and sometimes deception can make a parent feel crazy. “Adolescence” is when teens are trying to make “sense” of being an “adult.” The trial and error of it can be confusing for all involved.

3. It is a phase

Parents of teens can often feel like their lives will be, or have been, in chaos forever. This is not true. Just as the toddler years did not last forever, neither will the adolescent years. Even though it may not feel like it now, there have been times that you have already created positive memories your teen will cherish later as an adult. Keep up the good work!

4. Every day can be a do over

Having a challenging day with your teen today? Not quite communicating? Feeling the tug of war with power struggles? The great thing about this season of life is there are new opportunities to start again each day. Or you don’t have to wait until tomorrow; you can start again right now! It is amazing what the power of an apology can do!

5. Maintain a sense of humor

Above everything, maintain a sense of humor. Henry Ward Beecher said it best: A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs – jolted by every pebble in the road. Parenting teens can not only come with pebbles, but with boulders. A humorous perspective can mean the difference between sanity and senility.

6. Do everything to maintain your marital relationship

You love your children, but the first priority is your marriage. Find time to safeguard your relationship to maintain closeness with your spouse. The parenting years will soon be over, but your marriage will last a lifetime. As a counselor, I have seen many couples that feel like they do not know one another anymore because they have allowed parenting to invade upon their marital intimacy.

Whether you are a newbie or an experienced veteran, parenting teens can be challenging. Perspective can provide a sense of relief during the troubled times and perhaps prevent them from becoming overwhelming.



By: Terre Grable

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